I’m going to go ahead and start this with saying that I’m about to delve into a few personal things. It may be more information than you were looking for, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is extremely relevant to what is going on with me. With that said; Anyone who has been following me may have noticed that I was putting out content rather regularly, but since have not for the past two months. I’ve even been posting rather sparsely on Instagram, which was a platform that I used to be fairly active on. I had tried to keep myself consistent with releasing something new every Monday, whether it was a blog post or a video. But I started to slip from this trend back in August, and then completely in September.
Truthfully, I have been struggling with some personal problems lately that have really dug into my time and motivation to keep on pace with this hobby. Despite the love I have for role playing games and retro gaming, I couldn’t help but feel demotivated for several reasons, some of which were provoked by long-lingering mental struggles.
The first was an ever-growing, pressing lack of time to work on content to a point where I could release something every week. I set myself a goal that I couldn’t keep up with when everything else in life was starting to demand my attention more and more. This ended up snowballing and, as a result, made me feel like I was failing those who looked forward to my content every week. By failing to meet my goal, I felt like I was letting everyone else down. I had a surge of new subscribers on YouTube, followers on Twitter, and even followers on Instagram. I felt like I needed to pick up my pace, otherwise people would lose interest as soon as they gained it. Maybe this was the case for some, but I know better that it is not for most people.
The second was the looming feeling of never being good enough, brought on by an ongoing struggle with self-confidence. Without a doubt, retro role playing games are one of my greatest passions. There has never been something I have researched, consumed, and sank time into quite as much as this. Not even the more prominent things in my life can compare to where this hobby lies in my heart. But no matter how many times I told myself that I was doing fine and still just getting started, I always felt so inadequate compared to all of the other people who also create related content. No matter how many times I told myself, “People will come to me for my personality first and my content second”, there was still a voice in my head saying, “Why bother? You will never be that great. Why bother creating that thing when someone else already has? Who is going to want to come listen to you talk about it when they can listen to someone else?” And I know that this mindset is foolish, but there are times when it is difficult to drown out that voice. I know I’m not the only one. But it came at a time that made it hard to persevere.
So where does this leave me now? While I haven’t been able to get anything out in the past two months, I certainly don’t want to stop anything I do as RPGBirdy. I started this because it is what I love, and I don’t intend to stop anytime soon. But it is clear that the way I was approaching it before was putting too much pressure on me for something that is just meant to be fun. It’s not meant to be work. It’s a hobby. It’s a way to interact with people with similar interests. It’s a way to help inform people about aspects of the subject they may not know about. So I have outlined for myself, and others, how I plan to approach content as RPGBirdy from here on;
- There will not be something new every Monday. There will be something when it is done. It will not be rushed, and it will have more care put into it than my previous works.
- I will find a balance between videos, writings, and streams, rather than investing everything into one type of content. Some things are better suited for other mediums.
- Regardless of what I put out, something is something. Even if I didn’t, for example, put out an article recently, but did do a live stream, that would still be something.
- I will not let the hobby consume me in a way that it warps from something enjoyable into a chore. I won’t let it let me lose sight of what is most important in my life, either.
- There will be times when new content is slow. There will be times when it is fast. There will always be something on the horizon, but it is fine if it takes a little longer to get to.
- While I will focus heavily on RPGs, I will not restrict myself to them 100%. Writings and streams will occasionally delve into other genres I love, for a breath of fresh air.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for staying with me through this gap in activity. I look forward to getting things rolling as RPGBirdy again soon.